Tithed at the Party

Bram —no but the thing is, the thing you have to understand, is that he got wrung out like a, like an actual dishrag, you know when you wring a mop—

Pip you said that.

Bram I'm saying it again because it deserves saying twice, his skin actually tore—

Maeve tiefling.

Bram the tiefling, right, Obratz, the old guy with the staircase to nowhere—

Pip okay but back up, back UP, because we joked about that man dying like twenty times.

Bram we did.

Pip like every visit. Argyle pleading with his eyes "you're gonna die." Johnny doing the doublespeak voice—

Maeve "this guy's going to die in a week."

Pip right, to our faces nice, to us in the room "he's dead." And then he actually—

Bram and then it actually happened and nobody laughed.

Pip nobody laughed. That's the part. We made it a bit for like a week of game time and then—

Bram dead silence at the table. You could hear Josh just— smiling. You could HEAR it.

Maeve he tied it to the dream stuff.

Bram the what?

Maeve the Ki-Rin. From the second campaign.

Pip oh god the antler things—

Bram see this is why I love and fear that man.

Pip this is how people get radicalized, yeah, yeah.

Bram the antlers came UP out of the puddle, like the black-purple goo puddle that was Obratz, and—

Maeve half-deer half-horse. Teeth.

Bram teeth like you would not believe, carnivore teeth on a deer, it's wrong—

Pip can I— hold on, can I order something, are we eating?

Bram I'm getting the pie.

Pip get the pie. Anyway the part I keep— the lungs.

Bram oh the lungs.

Maeve both burst.

Pip both. And there's this little— Josh described it as like a popping and then a deflate. Which is so much worse than just—

Bram it's the deflate. The pop you could survive emotionally, the deflate is what gets you.

Pip and we were HEALING him.

Bram we were healing him! That's the— Argyle hit a sixty-two heal on him.

Maeve sixty-two.

Bram and it made it worse.

Pip it made it WORSE, it gave the ritual more to pull, that's the—

Maeve more energy.

Pip that's just sadistic design, like, that's a man who knew exactly—

Bram Argyle's whole thing is "good for the sake of good," right, and the one time he just goes full bore heal—

Pip it tortures the guy longer.

Bram it extends the torture, yeah.

Pip see and that's Argyle though, that's so Argyle, he never reads the room.

Bram he does not read the room.

Pip faced with a handshake the man considers suicide—

Bram and faced with a dying tiefling he goes "what if MORE healing."

Maeve Johnny went up first.

Bram Johnny went up first, good-spirited Johnny, Soothe for like a thirty-eight, and Argyle just— follows him.

Pip of course he follows him.

Bram and that's how he ate the fatigued.

Maeve he took the tithe save fatigued too.

Bram right, no, the fatigue was the toast.

Pip wait no.

Maeve the toast was first. Master of Ceremonies. Then the tithe. Argyle was already fatigued from the tithe, then he went up to the body.

Bram oh. Right. So he was double—

Maeve he was fatigued, then he ran into a monster swarm fatigued.

Pip and ate twenty-three piercing.

Maeve failed his reflex. Nineteen.

Bram worsened by the fatigue! Minus one and it mattered!

Pip it always matters when it's a one. Never matters when you're fine.

Bram so let me— okay can I do the toast, because the toast is great. Master of Ceremonies, big— guy, I'm picturing—

Maeve you don't know what he looks like.

Bram I'm picturing a guy, and he goes, gets everybody's wine up, "to the pilgrims," lovely, and then—

Pip "this pilgrimage isn't free."

Bram "this pilgrimage isn't free"! And the whole— and everybody has to make a fortitude save.

Pip which, hang on, that's the part nobody clocked in the moment—

Maeve the Strider runs on us.

Pip the Strider runs on US. It's our Voidsong energy. Floch literally told us the arms drained the ambient by like half—

Maeve fifty percent.

Pip fifty percent! And we went "neat logistics fact" and moved on—

Bram Floch's the freight guy.

Pip Floch's the sweet one, yeah, the silver guy, Alkahest.

Bram Kadou Floch. I liked him.

Pip everybody liked him, that's the thing, Johnny—

Bram oh Johnny.

Pip Johnny did the slump.

Bram Johnny did the whole— the thousand-yard, because Floch has this theory about the Voidsong, that it's, what was it—

Maeve the lost people of Raelion. Crying for help.

Pip from beyond the wall, yeah, and Johnny just goes— he slumps, "I really like that theory, and I hope that theory's right."

Bram it got him. It really got him.

Pip and we're never gonna let him forget it.

Bram no.

Pip because here's a guy whose own god ghosted him—

Bram here we go.

Pip no but it's relevant! It's relevant! His god stops picking up the phone, and he gets one hopeful theory from a freight clerk and goes all moony—

Maeve Floch said "you're the first person who hasn't laughed in my face."

Pip which, fine, that's sad, but Johnny, you are TALKING to people who could answer your actual questions and you keep—

Bram you have one note, Pip.

Pip I have one note and it's a GOOD note. He's standing in front of a maybe-level-twelve devout who controls the radio waves of three countries—

Maeve Giannos.

Pip Giannos, the nondescript guy, and does he ask "hey why'd my god stop—" no.

Bram in fairness he couldn't even approach Giannos without a Will save.

Pip okay that part's incredible.

Bram that part is so good, you had to make a Will save to want to walk over there.

Maeve Benny failed.

Bram Benny failed it! Benny goes "what would we even gain from talking to this guy" and we all went "...yeah" and then realized—

Pip that wasn't us!

Bram that wasn't us thinking that!

Maeve twenty-one.

Pip that's the scariest thing in the session and it's not even the deer.

Bram it's scarier than the deer, honestly. The guy can edit you.

Pip you can be turned around and not know. And then Josh—

Maeve didn't label the gala tokens.

Pip didn't label the gala tokens! On purpose! Gleefully!

Bram I love and fear that man.

Pip you keep saying that.

Bram because it keeps being true!

Pip Benny's appearance though, can we— the nondescript guy, his face wouldn't settle, human, elf, half—

Maeve glamoured.

Pip "piercing nondescript eyes." Which is a contradiction and it's perfect.

Bram how do you have piercing nondescript— you do, somehow, you just do.

Pip anyway. Where's that pie.

Bram I flagged him. Barkeep's slammed.

Pip it's fine. The MoCuP thing though, that connects, right, Argyle did the—

Maeve religion. Thirty-six.

Bram thirty-six, and it comes back that MoCuP spun off the Iridescent Church—

Pip which, of COURSE it did.

Bram —and they run the radio in like Calaria, Tormeré, bit of—

Maeve Rithwin.

Bram Rithwin, and they geographically sandwich the Scale, which Argyle clocked, "they're doing the Embercall thing."

Pip using radio like Embercall, yeah.

Bram which is— it's a pattern, the radio people are always the scary people.

Pip the radio people are always evil, write it down.

Maeve Pyrelight's under Embercall.

Pip see, exactly.

Bram okay but I want to go back, because the week before the gala was actually great, we did the whole introductions tour—

Pip oh the tour.

Bram the tour! And the first one was the car people.

Maeve RunGunners.

Bram the RunGunners, who have a— it's a racetrack but it's a trench, and there's an eighteen-wheeler just vomiting cars—

Pip enchanted eighteen-wheeler, vomiting cars, yeah.

Bram and we meet— the gray lady—

Maeve Ceres.

Bram Ceres, colorless fetchling, overalls, oily, super friendly and tells us absolutely nothing.

Pip won't even let us use the road.

Maeve won't commit to the road.

Pip which is so funny, like, you're nice, you're SO nice, and the answer is no to everything.

Bram amiable but closed.

Pip and Argyle hands her a business card.

Bram oh the business card.

Pip Argyle, the doctor, hands the car lady a plastic surgery business card—

Bram hands EVERYONE the business card—

Pip she pockets it. Gone. Never thought about again.

Bram we're hot rod people now and our doctor's handing out flyers.

Pip build me a hood out of a box of scraps—

Bram out of a box of scraps in a cave!

Pip was it personal though, the snub? Because I think it was just—

Maeve standoffish.

Pip I think Maeve's right, I think it's not personal, they worship the road, they don't—

Bram they worship the open road, yeah.

Pip they don't do alliances, they do deliveries.

Maeve their guns came up later.

Pip what?

Maeve the gun the RunGunners used on a friend's family. Radiant Arms made it.

Pip oh— oh that's right, that came up at the gun store.

Bram the gun store! Y'shael!

Pip Benny and the Jets.

Bram Benny and the Jets, yeah, we've got to keep that one going.

Pip that's a forever bit now.

Bram Y'shael's the android, you can see their— there's glass panels and you can see the gears going inside—

Maeve from Istria. Grew up on a Strider.

Bram grew up on a Strider, which is why they were already gonna ask to join us, lovely, instant ally—

Pip and the fruit bowl.

Bram the fruit bowl with no fruit.

Pip three pistols in the fruit bowl.

Maeve and they poured tea out of their wrist.

Bram out of the WRIST. Water out of their own wrist, made tea.

Pip which I have a lot of follow-up questions about that I will never get answered.

Bram and Benny test-fires the big gun—

Maeve the point seven five hand cannon.

Bram the point seven five, and it's recoilless, supposedly, and it just— banana-peels the barrel.

Pip peels it back like a— yeah.

Bram but Benny cleared the misfire die so it's fine, it's just cosmetically the gun is now a flower.

Pip "just a tap'll do ya."

Bram just a tap'll do ya!

Maeve their ad blew a mugger in half.

Pip and broke the shooter's arm.

Bram and broke the guy's OWN arm, that's the ad, that's what they're proud of.

Pip and then Benny— "I hear it's good luck to give a pistol to a child."

Bram and Y'shael CONFIRMS it.

Maeve gift-shop bowl of guns for kids. In Hallia.

Pip that's— see, that's the setting in a sentence, that's everything.

Bram a bowl of children's guns. As a treat.

Pip I've been this size since I was zero days old.

Bram there it is.

Pip hand the baby a revolver, it's tradition.

Bram now Argyle, at the gun store, floats giving Y'shael—

Maeve the stolen Sable and Suns gun.

Bram the stolen gun, and somebody goes "that's an act of war"—

Pip shot down immediately.

Bram shot down, yeah.

Pip which, Sable and Suns, that's Lark.

Bram oh, Lark Crowe, the brunch, yeah—

Pip the brunch! That's the sister thing, hold on, I want the sister thing.

Bram okay so the whole emotional spine of this is Anzu trying to reach his sister—

Maeve the dream message.

Bram the Dream Message scroll, which he can't make himself because—

Maeve no Magical Crafting feat.

Bram right, he's only trained, so the twins do it—

Maeve Anouk and Anaïs.

Bram the twins, twenty-seven gold for a rank-three—

Pip and the whole thing is, his sister bloomed earlier, she's stronger, psychic, fell in with the Herald people—

Maeve followers of the Herald.

Pip and Anzu's PLAN, when he finally talks to this estranged powerful sister, his plan is—

Bram "I would probably say hello."

Pip "I would probably say hello"! That's the whole plan!

Bram and Argyle's right on him about the chip on the shoulder—

Pip there's such a chip. There's a whole shoulder of chips.

Bram and then she doesn't even show.

Maeve she never came.

Bram he waits at Giacomo's, sends the invite, brunch, she just— no-shows.

Pip which is sadder than if she'd shown up and been mean.

Bram way sadder.

Pip and instead he gets the tengu.

Maeve Lark Crowe.

Bram Lark Crowe, glass eye, the beak's split—

Maeve vertically. Sword scar.

Bram vertical scar down the beak, lisp, and Anzu rolls a— what was it, the medicine—

Maeve seven.

Bram a SEVEN and still reads all the battle damage—

Pip which, that's the thread, isn't it, the useless successful perception—

Bram Aut thinks your arm's fine!

Pip "your arm is fine as it is," the most useless successful check in history, and now a seven medicine tells you the bird's whole résumé—

Bram the dice make no sense, that's the running— a seven knows everything, a thirty-four knows nothing.

Maeve Othello found nothing.

Bram Othello! Sent the raven up—

Maeve perception thirteen. Nothing.

Pip just a normal bird being a normal bird.

Bram whatever expectations you bring to a raven named Othello, it's just a guy.

Pip and Lark— he's friendly, that's the thing, he's chipper, offers to sell guns "to a friend of the people"—

Bram and then crushes a little figurine—

Maeve and rides off on a floating disc.

Pip on a DISC, that's the villain exit, that's the guy who armed the bandits—

Bram the bandits AND the ghosts, we connected him—

Maeve and the name on the terminal.

Pip under the television, yeah.

Bram so Sable and Suns is aboard, which is— that's not great.

Pip that's the opposite of great.

Bram that's the opposite of great. Where is— Paavo showed up to brunch, that was nice.

Maeve Hildebrandt folks. Paavo.

Bram Paavo and some Hildebrandt people drop in, which, speaking of—

Pip oh, the Ternion skip.

Bram the Ternion skip, yeah, we walk up to Ternion Heavy Industries—

Maeve didn't go in.

Bram Anzu stops us, "wait, these guys compete with Hildebrandt, we have an alliance"—

Pip and Argyle goes "I'm not risking it even talking to them."

Maeve good call.

Pip it WAS a good call, I'll give the table that, that's rare restraint—

Bram we talk to everyone usually—

Pip we talk to everyone, we are an indiscriminate alliance machine, and this once we—

Bram and Anzu pre-empts it, he goes "I know this looks petty but"—

Pip which means he knew it looked petty. He read the room. Anzu reads the room and Argyle never does.

Bram and they were just out there building a plane.

Maeve from a kit.

Bram from a kit! On a little airstrip! Assembling a plane like furniture.

Pip hot rod people. Plane furniture people. We're surrounded by gearheads.

Bram and the textile guy, who I— god, Obratz, back to Obratz—

Pip we keep coming back to him.

Bram because he was the one I— he had the half-built Fane, the grand staircase up to nothing, the sealed door—

Maeve ran out of energy.

Bram ran out of juice halfway, and it's just him and a— an exhausted pixie secretary.

Pip the pixie was SO over it.

Bram and Johnny rolls a twenty-seven diplomacy, perfect pitch, "come shelter with us"—

Maeve he refused.

Bram proudly refused! "I was taught not to lean on others when your own efforts can resolve your situation."

Pip which is a noble sentiment from a man with a staircase to nowhere.

Bram and Benny shows him the poncho—

Maeve the Garrick tag on the poncho.

Bram shows the tag, and the old man just LIGHTS up, "Velthara loves ponchos"—

Pip it's the only happy moment he gets the whole arc.

Bram and then he donates the— mid-week he gives them a—

Maeve pocketwatch. For running water.

Bram a spell-pocketwatch so they could have running water, this man has nothing and he's giving away pocketwatches—

Pip and Argyle's solution to all of this—

Bram oh god.

Pip —is "let's kidnap him. For his own good."

Maeve Josh called it Stockholm Syndrome.

Pip Josh just goes "so you want to give him Stockholm Syndrome," and Argyle— I mean, that's two Argyles right there, isn't it.

Bram the angel stuffed in the demon.

Pip the angel stuffed in the demon who's already named Argyle, "good for the sake of good," and the good is kidnapping.

Bram lazy and incredible.

Pip lazy and incredible.

Bram and the whole reason we hooked his heart into the skein—

Maeve Whirling and Rags.

Bram Whirling and Rags, weird name for a heart—

Pip hearts have the best names. Eerie. Final Caliber.

Maeve Chromatic Drift.

Bram the whole reason we connected him was so we'd hear if he got attacked—

Pip canary in the coal mine.

Bram literal canary, and then he doesn't get attacked, he gets—

Pip he gets tithed.

Bram he gets tithed to death at a party. By the boat.

Pip which the skein didn't warn us about because it's not an attack, it's a— it's the management.

Maeve the arcana check only got us eavesdropping anyway.

Bram right, Benny rolled an eight—

Maeve Anzu got thirty-four.

Bram thirty-four, and even with that all we can do is listen in and spoof, no takeover—

Pip so we couldn't have stopped it from the skein anyway. Cold comfort.

Bram cold comfort. The healing was all we had and the healing made it worse.

Pip ...yeah.

Bram see, I told you, you had to be there.

Pip I WAS there.

Bram I know, I'm— it's a figure of—

Pip I know. The Pale Lantern people though, before we leave the tour, because THAT'S the org I think actually—

Bram oh, the skinless guys.

Maeve drones.

Pip the corpse-art people, the undead drones posing bodies into—

Maeve columbarium dioramas.

Bram and we spot them from far off because the drones move wrong—

Maeve perception thirty-four and thirty-six.

Bram jerky, off, and we go "those are not okay people"—

Pip and the lead guy—

Maeve Manus.

Pip Manus, ironed lab coat, smells like formaldehyde, and he's a— he's a snob, he frames working together as a thing weak people do—

Maeve "it is often the position of the weak to band together."

Pip which is RICH coming from a guy whose whole org is a society—

Bram a SOCIETY, yeah, you literally banded together—

Pip you're in a club, my guy.

Bram and Johnny picks the ant fight.

Pip the ant fight!

Bram the ant-versus-civilization thing, Johnny just goads him about—

Pip and then suggests a pool party.

Maeve Manus snapped his fingers.

Pip snapped, and three drones start walking over, just for the pool party suggestion—

Bram just absolutely no sense of humor on that one.

Pip and Argyle's over there reaching for the holy water—

Maeve eighteen diplomacy.

Bram eighteen, and somehow goads Manus into ADMITTING he has the reincarnation ritual—

Maeve but won't share it.

Bram won't share it, and then says the thing, "if you gather information better than me, you're clearly better and I made the wrong decision."

Pip which is a challenge. He's daring us.

Bram and Argyle leaves wanting to burn the whole place to the ground.

Pip and here's where I'll defend Argyle for once—

Bram rare.

Pip rare, write it down— because afterwards Argyle scolds Johnny for being too goading.

Maeve he did.

Pip and I think Argyle's right? Johnny made an enemy we didn't need.

Bram I don't know that Manus was ever gonna be a friend.

Pip no, but there's "not a friend" and there's "snaps his fingers at you," and Johnny walked us from one to the other for a pool party joke.

Maeve they're aligned with the lich.

Bram the necromancer-lich nemesis, yeah, so they were always—

Pip okay so maybe it doesn't matter.

Bram there were two of them, the elves—

Maeve Manus and Brienne.

Bram Manus and Brienne, maybe related, two powerful elves—

Maeve Brienne was at the gala. With Silven Grayson.

Bram oh that's right, the whole— there was a clump at the gala, Silven holding court with the Pale Lantern pair and the—

Maeve Necrolog dhampir.

Bram the dhampir, yeah, and that's a whole table of people I do not want looking at me.

Pip and the plan, when the deer came out—

Bram oh the plan, the plan's so bad—

Pip the options on the table were, one, run—

Maeve flee.

Pip flee, fine, two, throw Silven Grayson to the monsters as bait—

Bram sacrifice Silven, yeah—

Pip —and three, use the chaos to just attack a rival faction while everyone's distracted.

Bram which is— that's "just us" not justice right there.

Pip "just us" not justice, yeah, a man is being wrung out into a puddle and we're going "is this a good time to mug a competitor."

Bram and we held it for next session because it got late.

Maeve we're fatigued and surrounded.

Pip fatigued and surrounded, in a ballroom, with antler-deer, next to the necromancers, and our plan is crime.

Bram just before all that, can I— the totem, did we even mention the totem—

Maeve Chuck brought it.

Bram Chuck the butler! Chuck brings this blue crystal totem—

Pip of all the names. Chuck.

Bram offered any name and we land on Chuck.

Pip most boring possible name. Beautiful.

Bram and the totem's linked to Eerie, the heart—

Maeve telepathic at range.

Bram telepathic comms at range, and it looks like the original keystone—

Maeve that made the heart.

Bram that made the heart and got us on the boat, yeah—

Pip and we will absolutely forget we have it.

Bram we will one hundred percent forget the totem the exact moment it matters.

Pip and it's the totem that shows the energy draining, right—

Maeve hundred to ninety.

Pip hundred to ninety, the keystone just ticks down, that's the tithe, visible, ticking—

Bram that's the meter running on the whole pilgrimage.

Pip a weekly meter. We signed up for a subscription that bills us in soul.

Bram build me a hood out of a box of scraps—

Pip that's not— that doesn't apply here.

Bram I know, I just like saying it.

Pip where IS this pie.

Maeve he's coming.

Bram I want to land on— the black liquid, Josh said the puddle was "reflecting something that isn't outside."

Pip oh that's— don't, that's the worst one.

Bram reflecting something that isn't there. In the room. In the goo.

Pip see and THAT's the thing Johnny should be asking the radio god about, not whether the freight man's theory is—

Bram you have one note.

Pip it's a good note, the man's god ghosted him—

Maeve pie.

Bram oh thank god.

Pip finally. —no but he won't ask, he'll never ask, I'd bet on it.

Bram you'd bet on it, you'd lose, like the car—

Pip the car was a tactical loss.

Bram it was a TOTALED CAR—

Pip tactical—

Maeve it was totaled.

Bram thank you. Totaled.

Pip ...anyway. Eat your hero pie.

Bram don't eat the gingerbread house, it's a war—

Pip it's pie.

Bram it's pie. I know. I know it's pie.